What’s the Deal with Brunch?

(My Very Seventeenth Newsletter)

Hi. Hi. HI. Mother’s Day is upon us.  I never loved this holiday until I had an infant and a toddler and the holiday meant I got to sleep in and drink my coffee in bed.  One year, the husband wanted to make me breakfast in bed. He researched various methods of egg scrambling before he presented me with my special meal.  They were the fluffiest eggs I’d ever seen. I took a bite. It was terrible.  “How are they?” he asked. “Mmm.”I said.  “Airy.”  “I put water in them,” he boasted.  “That’s why they are so big.” 

PSA: Don’t put water in your scrambled eggs.  If you scramble them constantly while they cook, their texture will be excellent.

To be fair, the man gets an A for effort. It’s not his fault that I’m not big on breakfast. The first thing I want to ingest on Mother’s Day is a huge cup of coffee.  Extra credit if it is delivered to my bedside.  I want the rest of the day to roll out slowly.  

What I don’t want is brunch. Don’t others feel this way too? It’s like the boobie prize of meals. All of the other holidays take place in the late afternoon into the evening.  All that syrup so early in the day. And the food choices, while fine, feel utterly unspecial.  Why aren't we entitled to a roast or a Bouche Maman?  Instead, we get eggs and a drink.  I’m thoroughly impressed with anyone who can drink before dark but a bottomless brunch seems like a convention for untreated alcoholism. Isn’t the first thing they ask you on those drinking problem questionnaires: do you ever drink in the morning? I never felt so validated as I did when I read Kitchen Confidential and found Anthony Bourdain agreeing with me: “the smell of eggs cooking and French toast and home fries in the oven was always the smell of shame and defeat and humiliation.”

That said, I will go to brunch if that’s the only way I’ll get to see my pals. I just won't enjoy the meal itself.  By the way, the husband takes us all to dinner on Mother’s Day, and it’s fan-fucking-tastic. 

Distractions

Snacks 

The chocolate mousse bite situation at Trader Joe’s is insane. Sometimes they are called chocolate mousse presents; sometimes they are called flowers but they are essentially the same and completely delicious.  

TV

I watch every medical drama out there. Call the Midwife is definitely one of the better ones.  And there’s nothing like it ( except maybe HBO’s short-lived The Knick). In the first season, which takes place just after World War Two, we meet the nuns and midwives who run a clinic in a very poor area in London. The show covers a  myriad of social and cultural issues but also has a sufficient amount of soapy drama. I’m on Season 14 now, which takes place in the 1970s. 

Movie

I can’t believe I've rewritten 16 of these newsletters and haven’t recommended any Hitchcock films.  If you haven’t seen Vertigo, watch it this weekend.

Book

A Good Neighborhood looks like it’s about neighbors who clash over a property line, but it’s really about race and class.  Most of all, it is an engaging story. 

Something I Learned 

Movie theatres never had showtimes until Hitchcock (yes, this is what made me think of Vertigo) insisted that moviegoers would only be allowed into the theatre to see Psycho at the start of the film.  Before that, people watched movies the way we do when we go to a museum.  

Things

Our new Ruthless column drops on Tuesday.  I’m happy to give you the link next weekend, but if you want to see it hot off the presses, you can subscribe to The West Side Rag here. It’s like NextDoor for smart people. 

A new episode of Shut Up Mommy’s Talking dropped. For those who have never listened, fellow comic and mom, Kyle Ocasio, maybe a guest parent or two and I talk about everything but our kids. to make ourselves feel better about our own parenting skills, we highlight a worst mom each week. This week, Kyle took testosterone  and despite growing a whisker, she feels pretty good.

I’m excited to discuss the first amendment in comedy with Judy Gold on Monday evening. You can get more info here. 

Finally, thank you thank you thank you for reading and writing me feedback.  For new subscribers who want to read past issues, click on “Get Updates” and then click on “Letters From Karen” on my website. And please feel free to recommend this to anyone who might want to read it.