Why We Can’t Have Nice Things
(My Very Fifteenth Newsletter)
Is there an erosion of kindness out there or am I hallucinating? I’m on a facebook parent site, which I think has hundreds of thousands of members. This week someone asked the following question: How do you refer to someone who says their pronouns are they/them/their? Specifically when writing an email? Is there something other than Ms. or Mr.?
I was relieved to see that most of the answers were thoughtful. Many parents thanked the poster for asking; others suggested “Mx.” or a simple “Hi” But then my eye drifted to this answer: Why is this a thing? I’d feel bad if someone had to take the time to think about how to address me.
Really?!! I mean, how much time would that take? One second? Two seconds? Less time than it takes to read about Selena Gomez’s favorite dish. If laziness were an Olympic sport, I’d medal every time, but come on!!
And, by the way, this isn’t just a pronoun thing. I have a student from a non-English speaking country with a name that I have never heard before. “I have trouble remembering names that are new to me,” I said to the person next to me. “I always forget his name,” to which he just said, “call him Bob, he’ll understand.” Umm no. That’s not his name. Theoretically, we are social creatures. Probably our threshold responsibility is learning what people like to be called. And luckily, it takes minimal effort.
On a brighter note, you all have been very gracious. Thank you for dropping me notes about this newsletter. I really enjoy doing it and love the feedback.
Distractions
Snacks
I forgot how delicious a Cadbury Crunchie was until I picked up a few British treats from Tea and Sympathy. I’m not a honey person, per se, but the mix of crunchy sweet honeycomb and creamy milk chocolate is fantastic.
TV
Extraordinary Attorney Woo is a delightful K dramedy about a junior lawyer with autism. I dare you not to fall in love with Woo after the first episode. While the show is basically a legal procedural, like LA Law or The Practice, there is an overall arc to the season.
Movies
In Coda, we follow Ruby, a hearing child born to deaf parents as she grapples with going into the family fishing business or pursuing her passion for music. I love coming of age and I love Ruby’s singing voice. This movie made me cry.
Book
Yes, I was outraged when I read Lacy Crawford’s Notes on a Silencing, but I finished it in two days. This simple but beautifully written memoir of her rape at St. Paul’s school seems to have taken its author from living with shame for almost thirty years to a point of outraged clarity.
Something I Learned
I never liked brussels sprouts as a child but I have come to love them as an adult. I just assumed that the recipes had improved. But no, they have actually been bred differently.
Cindy and I are also hammering out advice to your burning questions. Feel free to check out our previous column or you can always submit questions to us directly here or here or even here.