BULLIES AREN’T BORN: THEY ARE RAISED
( My Very Twentieth Newsletter)
I wasn’t sure what to write about this week. I kept getting distracted by Hoda Kotb’s decision to leave The Today Show so that she could focus on her wellness brand. I don’t even know what that means. What is a wellness brand and why does Hoda have one?
I went down the NBC rabbit hole and was reminded of a story they highlighted a few months ago about a mom consoling her kindergartner who’d been the only one in the class who wasn't invited to a classmate's birthday party. This triggered a memory of my kid being one of the lucky ninety percent of his third grade class invited to a birthday party. The remaining ten percent all knew about the party because the mom, who was disordered in a way I can't fully grasp, had a bus come to the school at pickup She enlisted the help of the homeroom teachers to load the kids who were invited to a preview of highly anticipated, animated Disney tour de force at an enormous AMC Movie Theatre–just steps away from Lincoln Center.
The teachers knew it was wrong to enable power bitch mom, but it had only been a month or so since she had gifted them designer handbags for Christmas (violating school rules, natch) and more significantly, they didn't want to cross her. After all, a mom who had few qualms and possibly enjoyed making a smattering of little kids feel like shit, could do some real damage to someone who could be canned for cause, even a manufactured one.
I write this not just because this mom was so interesting from an anthropological perspective, but also as a confession. I knew she was terrible. She had mom’s-only parties with a similar ratio of uninvited to invited with alluring speakers, who would tell us how to raise perfect children at restaurants like Daniel (ok--not like Daniel--actual Daniel) -- I went to these, knowing it was truly terrible for her to invite so many and leave out so few. But I wanted to go. The other moms wanted to go. And the kids wanted to go to the Disney movie, which ended up being unmemorable. And we all know it's impossible to raise perfect children. In my fantasy version of this story, we would all decline her invitations or point blank ask why the others weren't included. In real life, the mom just explained to her kid that some people are unkind, which is pretty good.
Distractions
Snack
People, Trader Joes has an impressive cheese collection. In my recent quest to incorporate more calcium into my diet, I’ve been leaning into cheese snacks. For a hard cheese, I can't recommend enough Old Amsterdam Gouda. This is off brand for me because I’ve always found Gouda to be boring, but this one has a nutty flavor. If you like soft cheese and are comfortable gaining a lot of weight in one sitting, I recommend Delice de Bourgogne. It sells for about 26 dollars a pound at TJ’s and is similarly priced at Zabar’s. Or you can go to the very fancy Restoration Hardware restaurant and get a small wedge on a plate with a piece of fruit for 27 dollars.
TV
Loved loved loved The Four Seasons. I enjoyed the movie when it came out a hundred years ago and was completely engrossed in the series. Tina Fey is in it as is Steve Carrell; Alan Alda makes a cameo. The acting is just wonderful and the script is so much fun and touching at times.
Movie
I don’t like to watch movies more than once, but for some reason I can sit through It’s Complicated multiple times. I’m a sucker for an easy-to-watch Nancy Meyer’s flick. Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep have great chemistry. And I love John Krasinski. Fun fact: when my novel Following Polly was optioned, he was my fantasy Charlie.
Book
I’m always fascinated by the psychology of the stage mother. And so, I was excited to read Jennette McCurdy's memoir, I’m Glad My Mom Died. Some of you might recognize the author as a Nickelodeon star; I’m the wrong age and had never heard of her. But I loved the book all the same. It addressed all my favorite issues: controlling mom, eating disorders, showbiz assholes and grief.
Something I Learned
I love a good TV crossover event. I thought I was dreaming when Charlie’s Angels went on The Love Boat. There is actually a website that catalogues all crossover events–even from the Reality Show world.